Mommy, I don't need you.

“Mommy, I don’t need you.”

Those were the words out of my 3 year old son’s mouth as he was being willfully disobedient.  I knew it wasn’t true. Honestly, it took me so completely by surprise that I was speechless.  I had spent the morning fixing his breakfast, getting him dressed, taking him potty, cleaning up his accidents, and folding his underwear. He needs me, even if he doesn’t think so. By God’s grace I was able to stay calm and respond gently.  It was a teachable moment, so we talked about how that isn’t really true.  How he really does need me to care for him and help him. 

What my son was really saying was “I’m going to do what I want and I don’t need you to stop me or tell me no.” I haven’t been able to get the whole situation out of my head though.  Not so much in my relationship with my son, but as it applies to my relationship with God.

How often have I said “I don’t need you” when what I really mean is “I’ll do what I want and I don’t need you to stop me?”  Because really, I know I need God. I’ve tried and tried to do it myself, and I've fallen on my face.  But when God is asking for obedience I don’t want to give, when there’s sin I want to cherish for just a little longer, that’s the excuse I give. I say, “God I don’t need you.”  I decide that I can manage that area myself and it’s none of his business.

Just like I had to correct my son because I love him, the Lord corrects me.

Hebrews 12:6-11(ESV) says:

“ “For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and chastises every son whom he receives.”
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.”

I especially love that last sentence.  The peaceful fruit of righteousness is something that I want, something that I am thankful God has worked in my life, but it has often been painful. That pain is something I sometimes convince myself I’ll avoid by doing my own thing, but it ends up being more painful in the end as I suffer the consequences and the discipline.  The best part though, is that through discipline there is restoration.  The kindness of his discipline leads me to repentance.

For His Glory,

Courtney

9 Signs You're Living with a Newborn

So I wrote this when Seamus was about 3 weeks old and thought I had posted. Nope!  Better late than never I guess. Enjoy:


Life has been extra hectic and exciting since Seamus's arrival between our initial hospital stay and his 2 readmissions for high bilirubin levels and weight loss. I definitely haven't had a lot of time to have successive coherent thoughts, but little snippets keep popping in my head. Eventually I'll post a birth story, but for know I thought I'd share some of the signs around our house that a newborn is present.

1. You can put together breast pump parts with the same speed and accuracy as a soldier reassembling his weapon after cleaning.

2. You have decided that whoever coined the phrase "don't cry over spilled milk" must never have spilled or nearly spilled the breast milk they had to work hard to pump.

3. You have had a conversation/argument with your spouse about who is more tired.

4. You consume caffeine so that you will wake up faster when the baby cries.

5. You cannot take enough pictures of the new baby! 

6. Discussing the baby's poop is totally normal conversation to have with your spouse.

7. Taking a shower feels like taking a vacation.

8. 4 hours of sleep is a "long stretch"

9. You sit down to write a blog post when the newborn is less than a month old and actually post it 9 and 1/2 months later.

What have some marks that having newborn left on your home?

Bella's Birth Story

I can hardly believe my sweet baby is almost 6 months old! She is so dear and precious to us. God has truly blessed us.  I meant to post this while it was still a little fresher in my mind, but you'll have to forgive this momma of 2 kiddos 2 and under for the delay.  While life around here is starting to settle into a comfortable routine, some days are still simply contained chaos. Especially since I started babysitting a 4 year old little girl about a month ago as well.  Well here you go:

If you go back and look at my pregnancy timeline and Paul's birth story you'll see both my pregnancy with him and his arrival were pretty eventful.  From the moment I discovered I was pregnant again there were those nervous thoughts in the back of my head that this pregnancy would be the same.  I can remember several times, having Dan pray with me to place my cares in God's hands and for peace.  While I had some intense food aversions(especially to the smell of raw meat) and crazy heartburn this pregnancy was comparatively  uneventful.

As I reached the last trimester of my pregnancy I reached this odd mixture of crazy energetic nesting and total exhaustion.  I don't know how many times I fell asleep laying Paul down for bed or his nap.  By the end of May I was beginning to feel like I might be pregnant forever.  I also knew I had a few things to do before our baby girl arrived so I made a list and gradually checked items off.  By the second week of June I had about 90% of my list done and was so ready to meet our girl! I wanted to see my baby face to face!

On Saturday June 15, I remember a conversation with my husband about how ready I was to meet our daughter.  I was ready, but was feeling pretty sure I would probably go to or past the due date of the 27th.  That night we went to bed planning to get up for church in the morning.  Little did I know I would be up before the alarm.

At 5 am on June 16, I woke up for what had become my routine predawn trip to the bathroom.  When I sat down on the toilet I felt a surprisingly strong tightness and pelvic pressure. I'm a little embarrassed to say at first, I thought maybe this was just the end of my luck and I was finally experiencing pregnancy constipation.  The feeling let up though and I walked into the kitchen to get a drink.  While in the kitchen I had the same feeling I'd felt in the bathroom a couple of more times.  I was sure that there was no way I was in labor, but decided to start timing what I was beginning to think were contractions.  After timing the gap between the next 2 or 3 I was still in total disbelief.  My contractions were 2 minutes apart!  After 20 minutes of walking laps around our kitchen and living room while timing contractions, I finally rousted my husband and had him come time a couple just to make sure I wasn't losing it.  I wasn't! This was happening!

At around 5:30 I went ahead and texted my mom and sister to let them know it was time so my mom could come with us to the hospital and my sister could stay with Paul.  They arrived at our place around  6:00 and we headed for the hospital. In the 10 minute drive there, I had 3 more contractions.

The E.R. nurse that admitted me said they'd just admit me for a non-stress test to see if I was really in labor and go from there. (insert eye roll here)  They took me to a room and another nurse told me to change into a gown and she would check me.  When she checked me I saw her eyes go wide.  She told me I was dilated to 9cm with a bulging bag of waters.

The midwife I had been seeing was out of town for her daughter's softball tournament so they called the Dr. on-call.  I weathered some intense contractions waiting for her to get there.  Once she got there and broke my water, I remember pushing through 2 or 3 contractions and meeting our girl!  One minute shy of an hour after being checked into the hospital and just under 2 and 1/2 hours after waking up in labor she arrived at 7:29 a.m.

Meeting for the first time.

Bella Bonita
6 lbs
18 and 1/2 inches
7:29 a.m.

It was a crazy morning and definitely a Father's day Dan and I will never forget!

Happy Father's day Daddy!

Brother and Sister

Kisses from Big Brother :-)

Such a precious blessing!

A few extra notes:

We got to skip NICU this time, but stayed a couple extra days because she lost to high a percentage of her body weight and was a slow learner when it came to nursing.  You'd never know now though :-) I'm happy to report we are now in our sixth month of breastfeeding!  This is an accomplishment I am super excited about after wanting so badly to breastfeed Paul and then having to switch him to formula.

I noticed, after having a 12-hour Pitocin induced labor last time and a 2 hour natural labor this time, natural contractions were less intense than the Pitocin induced ones.  The contractions I was having when we arrived at the hospital and I was dilated to 9cm felt similar to the ones I had been having at 4-5cm when I was induced.

If time flew by with Paul, it is going lightening fast this time.  Not sure if it is because I'm chasing a toddler too, but it seems crazy that this sweetie is nearly 6 months old already!  I love being Mommy to these two beautiful blessings from the Lord!

Not to be served, but to serve

Reading this article by Rachel Jankovic was the nudge I needed to go ahead and write this post.  Go ahead and pop on over and read it. This post will still be here when you get back.

My prayer, as my second child's due date swiftly approaches, has been that the Lord would continue to make me the mother He wants me to be and that He would show me what loving my husband and children looks like.

As I've been reading through the New Testament in my daily reading I've really been struck by the following verse from Mark 10:

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."-Mark 10:45 ESV

 Now in the passage this is tucked into, Jesus is addressing his disciples to remind them what life between them needs to look like.  That life as his followers is not about position, status.  It is about serving.  Serving and sacrifice.  Two things that characterize how our savior showed his love for us.

My biggest opportunity to serve is at home.  It is in how I care for my child (soon to be children :-) ) and my husband, how I manage my home, and the attitude I go about that with.  I'm serving by doing the laundry, doing the dishes, cleaning toilets, and making the grocery list.  I'm serving by picking up toys for what feels like the millionth time, cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night, and by snuggling my sick child.  And all the while, in this serving, I'm learning more and more to make sacrifices.  I'm learning to set aside myself and look for the needs of others.  I'm learning to care for myself better so I can serve the Lord and my family better.  I'm being stretched to set aside some of the material things I once considered so important.

As I serve, there is sacrifice.  I am sacrificing what I want, what would be easiest.  In Romans 12:1 it talks about our need to be a living sacrifice.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."-Romans 12:1 ESV

Living sacrificially encompasses what each day should be.  All I do should be something that worships who my creator is.  Setting aside myself, my agenda and choosing to serve my family because I desire to serve the Lord.

Our culture tells us that our priority is ourselves, to do what makes us happy.  It tells us we need things and position.  That's not what life in Christ is about.  We're not to be conformed to the pattern of this world, but to be transformed.  Praise the Lord for His mercy as He continues to transform me!

"Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."-Romans 12:2 ESV

For His Glory,

Courtney

Quick Fix Friday: Taco-tot Casserole

I realize it's been awhile since I put up a new post, but between moving, my hubby's new job and work schedule, keeping up with our son, and navigating my first two trimesters of pregnancy life has been a little hectic.  Life is starting to settle in a little and so I'm jumping back in this week with a new Quick Fix Friday post for you.

The recipe I'm sharing today is a variation on good old tater-tot casserole.  I copied this out of one of my Mom's cookbook not long after my husband and I got married and it has become a good recipe to shake things up a little when we're in a rut.  Our whole family enjoys both the original and this version. Enjoy:

Taco-tot Casserole

1 lb. hamburger
1 pkg. taco seasoning
1 can corn
1 can nacho cheese soup
1/2 soup can of milk
1 bag tater-tots

To start out, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.  In a skillet brown the hamburger over medium-high heat.  Once the hamburger is browned remove from heat and add the taco seasoning, corn, soup, and milk.  Combine and then transfer from the skillet into a 9x13 baking dish.  Cover the top with the tater-tots.  Bake for 1 hour or until bubbling and tater-tots have reached desired doneness.

For His Glory,

Courtney

Called to Have it all Together?

This past week, I had the privilege of going to a concert with a couple of other ladies from our church.  The Lord used each artist to refresh my soul in a way that only music does.  It was a joy to listen to Jenny & Tyler, Bebo Norman, and Sara Groves.

Now, nearly a week later, what is bouncing around my head is not the lyrics to an amazing song.  It is something Sara Groves said when introducing her song "Obsolete".  She was sharing about a couple of her twenty-something friends (exactly my age group) came to her feeling very discouraged.  They'd been reading blogs of other woman and comparing themselves to the standard set forth by the image projected there.  Now I don't know about you, but often when I read a blog I do the exact same thing.  I see another mom or wife talking sharing something(s) they're doing well and immediately feel guilty for not being as awesome at _________. (You fill in the blank.)  I suddenly feel like I'm less for not having "it" all together.  As Sara Groves continued she said she had to remind them (and by sharing reminded me) that what others put forth online is not necessarily the whole story.  When someone chooses what they're going to share online, they often share what will portray them in the best possible light.  You don't see all the underpinnings of there life, and they most certainly don't see those places in you that suddenly feel all too exposed.

Now, as this all flowed in and out of my mind these past few days, I also returned to the following question.  Are we called to have it all together?  As I pondered this the first verse to come to mind was:

"But he said to me,"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."-2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV  

So often, I get so hung up on my weaknesses that I forget that God's grace is sufficient.  That, while I should seek to grow in those areas, God will receive the glory for any success, because those successes are by his grace alone.  And for me it's more and more like the line from the hymn: 

 "In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified today."

I am reminded more and more that God is glorified in the every day things, the unglamorous things, the mundane things, and sometimes the things the world values least.  My life is to be about living according to his word, by his grace, and for his glory.

So this week, when you're cruising your favorite blog, remember:  you're not called to have it all together, you're called to follow hard after the Lord.

For His Glory,

Courtney

Quick Fix Friday: Slow cooker pulled pork

As I was deciding what recipe to share with you this week, I realized that I keep giving you slow cooker recipes!  After this week, I'll try to shake things up a little and give you some fast, family friendly meals that don't involve a slow cooker.

This week, I'm sharing with you a very simple slow cooker recipe for pulled pork that my dear friend Christie shared with me.  As I write this, this recipe is simmering away in my kitchen, filling the house with the scent of cooking pork.  This recipe is so easy and sooooooooooooo tasty :-)  Enjoy!

Slow cooker pulled pork

Ingredients:

2 lbs pork loin/roast(thawed)
1 12 oz can of root beer
1 16 oz bottle of your favorite barbecue sauce
1 package of 8 hamburger buns

First, take your thawed pork and place it in the slow cooker.  Then pour the root beer over the pork and place the lid on your slow cooker.  Allow this to cook on low for 6-7 hours.  Once the meat is cooked through, drain off any remaining root beer.  Shred the pork using two forks.  Then add the bottle of barbecue sauce and mix thoroughly.  Serve on hamburger buns :-)



For His Glory,

Courtney